Spotty and self-conscious ... at 23

No one should have to put their hand “subtly” at their face to hide it, dread nights out for fear of how their face looks, or have to plaster their face in make-up in an attempt to hide it, but when you’ve got adult acne, you feel like you don’t have a choice. Doing these things is far better than have people stare at your sore, infected face. 

Adult acne affects 25% of men, and a shocking 50% of women - being part of that statistic made my life a misery, and the never-ending search for a remedy that worked was exhausting. As a teenager, I suffered from bad acne - as most teenagers do. At sixteen I was told by the time I was eighteen, I would have grown out of it and I would have a beautiful, clear face. At eighteen, I was told that by the time I was 21, I would have a beautiful, clear face. I didn’t, despite trying every type of cream, face wash and anti-biotic my GP could possibly prescribe me. 

Having a spotty face as a teenager is expected, you’re not the only one as everyone in your year at school is in the same boat, but when you start to see everyone else growing out of it, it is easy to become extremely self-conscious. I’d always hear my friends moan about the “huge spot” they had on their chin - a tiny red pin prick compared to the sore lumps my face was covered with. I used to dread going to stay at friends’ houses because it meant having to take my make-up off and people would see what my face actually looked like. In some way I felt fortunate because, as a girl, I could use make-up to cover up my face, whereas for men, they don’t have that luxury. 

Adult acne is something which is under-reported and under-estimated. According to acnetreatment.org.uk, 92% of people who suffer from acne have felt depressed - a staggering statistic which is alarming in our appearance-obsessed society. Mental health is a whole other issue in itself, but the fact that acne is a contributing factor to these horrible feelings is something which needs to be recognised.

Eventually after months of tears and self-conscious attempts to hide my face, I was referred to the dermatology department of the hospital to have a further insight into the cause of my acne, and potential treatment - something a bit more advanced which may actually make a difference. It was at this point I was told about Roaccutane - a miracle cure which was said to work wonders for acne sufferers - but at a cost. 

Roaccutane has a 66% cure rate, it is a drug predicted to practically eliminate acne in most of its’ patients, permanently. This was music to my ears, the thought of having no acne ever again was an unbelievable thought for me, after all my years of suffering with it. After lots of blood tests, weight tests and pregnancy tests, I was prescribed a strong dose of Roaccutane in milligrams, in accordance with my weight - literally feeding my body with as much of the drug as my body could physically handle. 

The medication works in a number of different ways - it reduces the production of oil in your skin (which causes your skin to be extremely dry), reduces inflammation, works to reduce bacteria and skin cell production. (See acne.org for further information). 

I was on the medication for a period of six months, and watched my skin go from bad to worse ...  to absolutely clear! I couldn't believe it. For the first month or two my skin got drastically worse - something I didn’t think was even possible. This was the medication's way of extracting all the infection from your skin and getting rid of it. The side effects of Roaccutane are very serious and you have to carefully consider this before speaking to the hospital. The drug is so powerful that it can cause birth defects in babies, severe mood swings and serious depression. I also experienced weak and sore joints, and couldn’t do any strenuous exercise or walk for any length of time. Sounds horrific? Yes! Sounds as if it isn’t worth the hassle? Yes! For an acne suffer? If it means a clear face, it is worth it! 

I even found that the size and shape of my face reduced as the inflammation was so bad from the acne that my face shape had been distorted and swollen. My face is now the shape it should be, without any infectious lumps changing it or making it swollen!

I am not writing this article to scaremonger or put people off, nor am I writing it to convince anyone suffering from acne to try it, I am merely sharing my experience in the hope that some people suffering the way I did know that there is an option out there. Below, I have attached a photo I took from before and after my time on Roaccutane. This is a big step for me; looking back to my acne-ridden face is hard, but I wanted to share this to prove to people that there is a remedy that helps, despite the seriousness of the drug. 

If you are thinking about Roacctuane, or have never heard of it before, do some research and ask your GP about it, as I would say it is a life-saver. It does come at a cost though, as I said above, serious side effects that are hard to deal with, and the time on the medication is hard going, but the end result is, to me, worth it. It is not hopeless for any of you suffering from acne and haven’t found a cure, this might be the one thing that finally helps, but please have a serious think about whether it is worth the turmoil and weigh up the pros and cons for you, not according to statistics or opinion.  

**All statistics and facts are taken from acne treatment.org.uk and acne.org. It is not my own research.

Graduated and going places ...?

Get a degree they said … it’ll be useful they said … 

You’d think after five long years at uni, I’d be glad to be out in the big bad world … yeah I thought I would be too, but … it’s not as easy as everyone makes out, as I’m sure a lot of you will know. I read an article recently which placed a Literature degree (what I graduated in) at number two on the “Worst Paid Degrees You Could Graduate With” list. Just what I wanted to read...!

I’m sure I’m not alone in the exasperating gap between student life and a big career … the limbo in which many of us graduates are stuck. I like to believe, however, that the right job is around the corner, and that the timing just isn’t right. It has taken me a while to decide the career path I want to go down, but now that I have a better idea, the long, painstaking search has begun.

One of the most dreaded questions from relatives (top of the list being “so … how’s the love life?”) is how the job search is going. What is the correct response to this? “Great, I still don’t have a career!”?? “Not great, there’s not much out there for graduates”? How about “please don’t ask me as I’m driving myself mad asking that very question!!”?? The latter seems most likely for me!!

Although I don’t want to be a student again, I miss the carefree attitude a student can have to life. I’m ready for a career, I’m hungry for it, and this down time after the high of graduation can really get you down. I could fill out a job application in my sleep, I've done that many. Repeatedly filling in the same details over and over again gets very monotonous. 

Many employers are desperate for a new graduate to fill their role, but also expect copious experience in their field of work … slightly contradictory, don’t you think? It’s hard to get the balance between a decent CV and lots of the right experience, as well as trying to earn money and have a bit of a life in between. I have a lot of friends who graduated with a degree which leads them straight into a career - dentistry, pharmacy, politics etc, which makes it even harder that I’m not completely decided yet! 

I have spent the past few months (in between job applications) thinking of ways to improve my situation and better ways to deal with it to save myself going mad! So I thought I’d share my thoughts with you and hopefully make this easier for us all.

• Don’t let it get you down, try to stay positive and find something to take your mind off it 
• Remember that everything is temporary; things will change before you know it
• Make sure you’ve covered every avenue - update/create an accurate 'LinkedIn' profile which can help people find you
• Give yourself a weekly target of a number of jobs you want and actually meet it
• For those of you in the same position I’m in, i.e not knowing exactly what you would actually like to do; think about your key skills. Not just what you’re qualified in, but what you enjoy, and how your passions could be useful
• Most importantly … you're not the only one! Don’t be disheartened as I can assure you, we’re all going through the same struggle!

Despite how it seems, it’s not all doom and gloom! I’m a huge believer in fate, and I like to think that the perfect job for me isn’t out there yet, and that life is waiting for me to discover my true passion or drive to do the perfect job well! Hopefully this is at least one thing I’ll be right about!! I feel your pain graduates, we’re all in it together, all these employers don’t know what they’re missing … !

"Dyu think this outfit will help me pull?"

As someone with very little patience, it's a wonder I've managed to work in retail for the past six years. The assumption that retail is an easy job could not be further from the truth. Only those of us who have worked in this sector will ever understand and only we, will have experienced the weird and wonderful requests of the general public. We are prepared for questions such as "I'm looking for blue jeans, not blue-blue but more bluuuuey-blue" or "do you still have that black leather jacket, you know, that leather one that's black". Shoppers never cease to amaze me!!

I do love working in a high street clothing store - no day is ever the same, and you do have to expect the unexpected. On a daily basis you are caught off guard and there's always one customer who will put you in a position that you've never been in before ... like the day a middle aged gentleman asked me to check inside the waistband of his boxers to find out his size ...! Despite these weird and wonderful requests, you do get a sense of satisfaction when the customer leaves with their perfect outfit for the weekend, even though you're mourning the loss of your weekend to another day in the shop! The laughs you get really do make it a bit easier!

In my experience, male and female customers shop very differently. I have dealt with both types of customer and I can honestly say that men are the easiest but the fussiest! They range from one extreme to the other ... a man who knows what he wants but cant perfect the image they're looking for (usually Joey Essex or someone of a similar calibre ... the look of most males between the ages of 18-25), or one who wants an outfit but doesn't know what and doesn't even know  his size! Generally, a man usually requires you to pick the outfit for him to wear to the wedding he's attending in 45 minutes, and will take the first thing you suggest. Us women however, are slightly more organised and prepared. We know exactly what we are looking for and our role as a sales assistant seems more to be to compliment, not to suggest. If the customer tries on a pink dress and a red dress, she will always pick the one she likes best, even if you tell her she looked fabulous in the other one. A man will completely trust your opinion as long as he thinks he'll pull in whatever you put him in!

Christmas in retail is a nightmare! Customers are stressed and are, by no means, in high spirits! It is the end of the world if you don't have a size they're looking for and there is nothing worse than explaining something is completely sold out! Boxing day sales are something I would not wish on anyone ... a modern day apocalypse. People are frantic and fight over that one t-shirt in a small that has £1.99 knocked off the price!! Things get so desperate that my role of sales assistant was once changed to babysitter when I found a 2 year old boy asleep in a pile of clothes ... his mum had clearly been caught up in the bargains and had mistaken the shop for a creche! Madness!

I always wish I could have a peek in some people's wardrobes ... judging by the state of the clothes we find in the fitting rooms, this would be a very interesting experience! They are usually on the fitting room floor, inside out and in a ball, or hung up with a trouser leg through the hanger hook and a shirt hanging randomly by the collar or through a button hole. Every shop has a serial dumper customer who you are always ready to clear up after!

The perks of the job do stack up too, despite the chaos and challenges. Discounts, first peeks at new stock and generally chatting to people about what they're buying. Your regular customers know you well and trust your judgement, and actually do have some sense of pity for the lost weekends stolen by the shop!

On behalf of all retail employees, I ask you that the next time you see us folding a table full of clothes, ask for help instead of causing more mountains of mess, at least attempt to hang up clothes, and just keep that one penny change instead of leaving it on the cash desk for us to dispose of. I'd be worth a fortune if I was actually allowed to keep the penny change, like you suggest!! Just spare a thought for us lot who give up our weekends, bank holidays and Christmas time to help you perfect your shopping experience and your image!! I will help you chose an outfit, and I do enjoy what I do so have some understanding and work with us, not against us!

Arbeit Macht Frei

They told 6 million “Work Sets You Free”. As Holocaust Memorial Day approaches on January 27^th, I decided to dedicate my first blog to the remembrance of this hugely important day. As a subject which is close to my heart, it shocks me at the lack of understanding and knowledge of the subject, a factor which seems to be centred around the lack of education in schools. 

The atrocities which took place during the years of 1939-1945 should never be forgotten, and this lack of education makes these events an ever-fading part of history. Ignorance was a huge factor in the catalyst for the perpetrators which, regarding the outcome, is a daunting thought. Nazis exploited local ignorance and prejudices in order to indoctrinate the German people into Hitler’s way of thinking. Recently I came into contact with a German girl who explained that there is still a huge sense of shame which hangs over Germans to this day. She also explained that when she was in school (about 10 years ago I’d estimate) that in every class that it was possible, they were taught of the horrors which took place. Why is this not the case in the UK? Surely there needs to be some degree of education in order to not only preserve the memory of the victims, but also to prevent anything like this ever taking place again? I strongly believe that education is a pivotal element in passing on the memory of those who couldn’t share their story and also for those nowadays, who have never heard it.

6 million Jews were persecuted at the hands of the Nazis, as well as 6 million (approx.) non-Jews e.g gypsies, homosexuals, the physically disabled and prisoners of war. 6 million. That is more than the population of Scotland. ‘Arbeit Macht Frei’ was Auschwitz’s slogan and the first image to greet the eye at the entrance to the concentration camp - meaning ‘Work Sets You Free’ ... is this the biggest lie in history? Put yourself in the position of the prisoners of Auschwitz, an incomprehensible fear which is never alleviated, an uncertainty surrounding everything in your life, being granted the gift of life for one more day which is determined by a YES or a NO of a Nazi ... this certainly doesn’t sound like freedom.

Arguably, ignorance is dangerous and it is paramount that we never forget - by teaching future generations, as well as current generations. The Holocaust Memorial Day is an opportunity to take one day of the year to reflect on this part of history. 

The Lessons From Auschwitz Project is an organisation which works with schools to arrange visits to the camp itself - undoubtedly giving an eye-opening experience for the teenagers involved. As one of these participants I found this an invaluable experience which provided me with a new understanding on an enormous scale. Standing on the train tracks, being inside the door of the gas chambers, and viewing gunshots in walls is an experience which is unforgettable and I feel honoured to have had the privilege of commemorating the lost souls in that way. I feel it is a duty to encourage people to have this strong sense of understanding and emotional connection. How would you feel to walk the footsteps of a man or woman knowing they were your last ...?

The platform at the train tracks in Auschwitz is the one place in the world where the most goodbyes have ever been said. As time passes the victims become numbers instead of names, and the camps become museums and commemorative spots as opposed to crematoriums and murder sites. How can we allow these facts to be forgotten? Why have they now become facts as opposed to personal tragedies? 

It is said that time heals everything, but the Holocaust should be predominant in everyones mind. If people begin to forget the horrors then surely a similar ignorance will arise as it did in the 1930’s? 

On Monday the 27^th January, make this your first (and hopefully one of many) Holocaust Memorial Day which makes an impact on your life, or on the life of someone you know. Keep the memory of the lost alive; the mothers, fathers, children and friends who suffered at the hands of the Nazis. I for one will be lighting a candle to symbolise those lives lost and if I can encourage even one person to do the same, there is one more Holocaust victim whose memory is living on.